The Curse of Principal Kelly
by Red Witch
Summary: The 'long awaited' sequel to Principal Kelly on the Edge! Completed Fic! Events at Bayville slowly drive Kelly to madness, insanity, and the occasional musical parody.
1. Just Another Manic Monday

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I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters, well not the main ones anyway! I will put one or two minor characters that are mine in this fic. Well here it is! The sequel to 'Principal Kelly on the Edge!' Did you miss me? Let the Kelly torture continue! 

**The Curse of Principal Kelly**

**Part I: Just Another Manic Monday**

Principal Edward Kelly was a decent man. A man who believed in hard work and education. A man who loved working with children. A man blessed with the ability to each and to convince people of his point of view and at the same time make them feel important. Kelly believed he was a man destined to help people.

Then he became principal of Bayville High.

Now Kelly was convinced that his destiny was to end up in a mental ward somewhere. A scoreboard falling down from the rafters had nearly killed him, the school gym had burnt down and the soccer field had been destroyed with a huge hole gaping in the middle. Plus he was convinced that he had been personally been attacked by a tornado. And that was only his first day on the job. 

After that he was nearly torn to pieces by a chemistry teacher that turned into a monster and went insane. His office had been robbed. He was almost eaten by other monsters that appeared out of nowhere. And his head was nearly smashed along with his desk by a stray shot put that crashed through his window. Not to mention the various demon sightings, exploding vending machines, some kind of slime that appeared in the lockers and his desk occasionally as well as antics due to some kind of strange rivalry between two groups of very strange students. To say all of this was starting to get on his nerves was the understatement of the year. 

No wonder the previous principal had disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Circumstances which Kelly really didn't want to guess. 

Today he prayed would be different. Today was the day the new Superintendent was to visit the school. The old one had a nervous breakdown following the incident in the boy's bathroom. (Another demon sighting!) He was sitting in his office trying to focus on the paperwork for new vending machines when he heard an explosion from outside. Well actually several explosions. "What now?" He groaned as he left his office. 

As soon as he stepped outside the main office, he saw to his horror a rather large student on skates. "MR. DUKES THE SCHOOL IS NOT THE PLACE TO ROLLERBLADE!" He shouted.

"I can't stop!" Fred shouted as he nearly ran over Kelly and straight into the wall. "I'm okay," He said in a funny voice as he pulled away from the rather large dent in the wall. 

"What did you do?" Kelly groaned.

"It's not my fault," Fred said. "They were trying to teach us hockey in gym and I never skated much before and I couldn't stop and…" 

"I think I get the picture," Kelly groaned. "Okay this was only an accident. This was only an accident…" 

"Coming through!" Todd screamed as he barreled into Kelly on rollerblades. "Oops. Sorry." 

"Tolensky get off of me!" Kelly groaned trying to stand up. Todd clung to him for dear life. 

"Don't let me go!" Todd cried out, trying to balance himself while clinging to Kelly. "Don't let me go!"

"Tolensky let go!" Kelly shouted.

"I'm gonna fall!" Todd screamed. "I'm gonna fall. Oh wait, no I'm not."

Todd slipped out of his skates and hopped into Kelly's arms. "Hi there! You caught me!" Todd grinned. 

"Yayyy!" Fred grinned. "Group hug!" And yanked Kelly into a huge bear hug.

"Can't breathe…Let go of me!" Kelly pulled himself away from the two deranged students. "For crying out loud Tolensky! I want you to go to the nurse and talk to her about your deodorant!"

"I don't use deodorant," Todd scratched his head.

"That's what I want her to talk to you about!" Kelly snapped. "Now why was I out here again?" Another explosion came from outside. "Oh yes," He ran out to the parking lot. 

"Oh no…" Kelly's jaw opened when he saw the sight. "Not again!" To his horror he saw that two cars in the faculty parking lot were completely destroyed. One car looked like a bomb had exploded in it and the other…

"MY CAR!" Kelly screamed as he saw the car and tires punctured by long brown sharp objects. "What the heck are these things sticking out of my car!" He looked around and saw no one. "Who did this to my car?" He whined. 

There was no one to be found. "Typical!" Kelly snapped. "Typical! What else can go wrong?" 

"MY CAR!" An unfamiliar voice screamed. Kelly looked up as the man ran towards him. "What happened to my car?" 

"Um…" Kelly started to speak when all of the sudden a small earthquake shook the ground. 

"WHAT WAS THAT?" The man screamed. "AN EARTHQUAKE?" He glared at Kelly. "What kind of nuthouse is this Kelly?" 

"Oh, hello Superintendent Harris," He said meekly. "Welcome to Bayville High." 


	2. Kaboom-Boom

**Kaboom-Boom**

"My car!" Superintendent Harris wailed as they went towards the building. "My car! Call the police! Call my lawyer! I wanna sue!"

"Hey my car was destroyed but you don't see me acting like a lunatic!" Kelly snapped. _Of course maybe it's because I'm getting used to it,_ He thought. 

"I'm beginning to see that the reports concerning Bayville High are not exaggerated," Harris snapped. "We really have to have a discussion on the discipline problem around here!"

Just as he was speaking Evan rode in on his skateboard towards them. "Head's up!" He yelled. He collided with them. "Uh…Hi Principal Kelly!"

"Daniels," Kelly snapped. "Didn't we have a discussion with your head master about your skateboarding?"

"Detention again?" Evan gulped.

"Oh yes," Kelly snapped. "My office! I'll see you later!" Evan trudged off. "Are you okay?"

"Barely," He grunted as they went inside the building with Kelly. "So that's one of the Xavier Institute kids. What kind of institute is it exactly?"

"I dunno some type of boarding school," Kelly sighed. "Personally I think it may be some kind of Juvenile detention facility or something like that given all the incidents that surround them. Plus they have a rivalry with another group of crazy troublemakers."

"Oh yeah the Brotherhood," Harris nodded. "I remember reading about them in the report."

"They're always fighting each other," Kelly sighed. "It's like they have some kind of war going on between them the way they go at it." 

"Uh Principal Kelly," Kitty walked up to him. "My computer teacher asked me to speak with you." 

"Miss Pryde please don't tell me you crashed even more computers," Kelly groaned rubbing his eyes. 

"Uh okay I won't," Kitty gulped. "Let me guess, your office?"

"Oh yeah," Kelly groaned. 

"Another institute kid?" Harris asked. "You really should get that place investigated." 

"Well the thing is…" Kelly started. 

"Hands off Geek!" A loud voice interrupted them.

"Watch it Rockhead!" Scott's all too familiar voice went through the halls. They ran up to see Scott and Lance shoving each other in the hallway. 

"BOTH OF YOU KNOCK IT OFF!" Kelly shouted. "I've told you a dozen times there is no fighting allowed in school!"

"Hey he started it!" Lance pointed. "I was just walking along minding my own business when he starts hassling me for no reason!"

"Yeah we saw the whole thing!" Todd piped up. "He just jumped him for no reason!"

"Yeah Scooter's just being a jerk," Tabitha said. 

"Oh I've got a reason," Scott snapped. "Him and his little gang of delinquents cause nothing but trouble around here!"

"They're not the only ones!" Kelly snapped. "You Institute kids aren't exactly the pride of Bayville yourselves!"

"Yeah!" Lance stuck his tongue out. "At least we Brotherhood aren't hypocrites and pretend we're the morality police!" 

"Hey you wanna start something?" Scott snapped.

"Bring it on!" Lance sneered. 

"BOTH OF YOU MY OFFICE NOW!" Kelly shouted. Both teens glared at each other as they went off. "Uh, I just have to take care of this, if you don't mind," Kelly walked away. 

"What are you two still doing here?" Harris snarled at Tabitha and Todd. "Shouldn't you punks be in class?"

"Hey who do think you are?" Tabitha snapped. 

"I'm the Superintendent you little tramp!" Harris snapped.

"Tramp?" Tabitha snapped. "What gives you the right to call me names?"

"The way you dress for starters," Harris said.

"So just because my clothes look different that gives you the right to put me down?" Tabitha's voice grew angrier. "Why you…"

"Tabby no!" Todd grabbed her arm. "Cool it! He ain't worth it, brawling with him out in the open. Okay?" 

"Yeah," She glared as they walked away. 

Harris sniffed. "Trash," He snapped. He decided to wash up and went into the teacher's lavatory. Tabitha smirked as she snuck into the Teacher's lavatory. She saw Harris's feet in one of the stalls. She created a small energy bomb and threw it in the toilet and ran out. 

BOOOOOOOOMMMMM! 

"AGGGGH!" Superintendent Harris screamed. 

"Now what?" Kelly ran out and saw water flowing from the teacher's bathroom. "What happened here?" 

Harris ran out trying to hold up his soaked unbuckled pants with one hand. "This place is nuts!" He shouted. "I am out of here!" He ran down the halls but slipped and fell down in something slippery. His pants fell down around his ankles. "What is this?" He looked at his hand. It was covered with something green and very slimy. "AAHGGH! What is this stuff? I gotta get out of here!" He tried to get up but kept slipping down. 

"Nice happy face boxers!" Tabitha appeared and mocked Harris. "Now who dresses funny creep?" 

"Kelly you are going to pay for this!" Harris screamed as he ran out the door. 

"Why me?" Kelly rolled his eyes heavenward. 


	3. Sub Torture

**Sub Torture **

After the incident with Harris, Kelly dismissed the crowd and went to check up on the students in the teachers' lounge. There were a few of them as well as many replacement substitutes. Several teachers had already resigned since the beginning of the school year and even more substitutes had either left or disappeared for some reason. Not to mention the McCoy incident. It was little wonder that several teachers were stressed from not only the insanity of the school but by being forced to teach extra classes and give up many of their prep periods. It was clear as soon as he walked in the stress was taking it's toll. 

One teacher was muttering to himself downing several pills. Another was in the corner holding her head saying, "Puppies and Kittens, puppies and kittens," over and over again. Two others were looking through the newspaper searching the want ads for another job. Another was tearing apart papers with her bare hands grumbling "I will not kill them…I will not kill them even if the voices tell me to…" The rest were drinking scotch or whatever alcoholic beverages they could get their hands on.

"Oh look everyone it's our fearless leader," Mr. Sherman grumbled as he downed his fourth gin and tonic. 

Everyone groaned as they looked at him. "Let me guess," Mr. Rodeski snapped. "Another disaster has befallen Bayville! What happened to the Superintendent Kelly? Demon sighting? Food fight? Earthquake? What else has happened in this madhouse?" 

"Car exploded and someone threw some kind of bomb when he was in the bathroom," Kelly sighed. 

"Oh," Rodeski groaned. "Is **that** all?" 

"I gotta get my resume together," Mr. Sherman groaned. "I can't take much more insanity! This place makes Attica look like a nice quiet vacation spot!"

"Hey here's a job that's nice and safe," Mrs. Hawkins said. "They're looking for people to go over to Afghanistan to deactivate landmines!" 

"Why don't we just set the school on fire and get it over with?" Mrs. Jupiter said.

"Mrs. Jupiter did you take your pills this morning?" Kelly blanched. 

"No," Mrs. Jupiter took them out of her handbag. "Thanks. Maybe these will shut up the voices in my head!" 

"Oh just use the scotch like the rest of us," Mr. Sherman groaned. 

"People I am trying to get more teachers here," Kelly sighed. "But for some reason I can't seem to recruit too many."

"Gee I wonder why?" Mr. Sherman groaned. 

"Come on you can't blame everything on the strange events and the students," Kelly told him. "There simply are not enough teachers out there."

"The voices tell me to use duct tape and tape 'em all to their seats!" Mrs. Jupiter laughed maniacally. 

"Uh…Mrs. Jupiter how would you like to take the rest of the day off?" Kelly gulped. When she left the room laughing he asked Rodeski, "Is that pool on how long she'll last still open?"

"Yup," He took out a notepad. 

"Here's five dollars. Put me down for the end of this week," Kelly gulped. 

Suddenly a young woman burst into the room covered with silly string. "I can't take anymore!" Mrs. Harmony screamed. "I QUIT!" 

"What happened to you?" Kelly looked at her.

"Some of the Institute Kids got into a silly string war with some of the football team members!" She snapped. "Draw your own conclusions!" 

"Which ones from the Institute?" Kelly sighed dreading the answer. 

"Bobby Drake, Kurt Wagner, and Evan Daniels," She told them. 

"Oh no Brotherhood this time?" Rodeski asked. "Or were they too busy stealing toilet paper again?" 

"I don't have any Brotherhood members in my class!" She snapped. "And I never will! I am out of here!" She stormed out. 

"Mrs. Harmony please!" Kelly chased after her.

"Okay she's been here exactly three months today," Mr. Rodeski took out a chart. "And since no Brotherhood members were involved that means Mrs. Hawkins you win the betting pool." 

"All right!" She crowed as she collected her money. "Come to mama!" 

"Oh great there's even more classes we have to cover!" Mr. Rodeski sighed. "What are we gonna do?" 

"I say we go on strike," Mr. Sherman snapped. "At least we'll get out of school for a while." 

"We can't do that!" Mrs. Hawkins said. Then the sound of a vending machine exploding in the distance got her attention. "On the other hand…" 


	4. Thank the Lord for the Night Time

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I don't own this song by Paul Anka. Yup it's parody time again!!!

Thank the Lord for the NightTime

Kelly went home after a very stressful day. He went to the cabinet to get himself a drink."What a day! My car is wrecked again. The Superintendent has only been on the job one day and he already hates my guts! Those crazy kids are at it again and the teachers are threatening to go on strike! And it's only Monday! I shudder to think what else is going to happen to me!"

He began to sing, "_Workdays turn me off, but it's not that I'm lazy! From eight to two there's insanity all around! I don't know what's going on but it's driving me crazy! Little wonder the former principal ran away and can't be found!"_

He took out a bottle of whisky and poured himself a tall one._"I thank the Lord for the nighttime! To forget the day! A day of up-uptight time! This'll chase it away! I get relaxation! It's time to groove! I thank the Lord for the nighttime! I thank the Lord for booze!"_

What Kelly didn't realize as he was singing Todd was causing trouble in his garden. He's stealing his garden gnomes as well as fooling around. He's fiddling with the flowers, throwing slime everywhere as well as hopping around wrecking things. Kelly was oblivious to the insanity just outside his window as he kept singing.

__

I used to have plans for my future, I had plenty! Nothing ever seems to turn out the way it should. But now the future is bleak, hope I don't have any! I wish I'd never met those Institute Kids or the Brotherhood!

He drank and danced around. Todd of course was dancing around as well in the background 

"Thank the lord for the nighttime! I wanna forget my day! I think its send out my resume time! I gotta get away! I need a vacation! Don't know what I'm gonna do! I'm safe at nighttime! Unless there are monsters blue! I feel better now. I just need to unwind and relax in my garden.

Todd hopped out of sight just as Kelly turned around and headed out to his garden."WHAT THE…? WHERE ARE MY GARDEN GNOMES? WHO STOLE MY GARDEN GNOMES? WHAT **IS** THIS STUFF ON MY LAWN? AAAGGHHH!"


	5. Tuesday Afternoon

**Tuesday Afternoon**

The next day Principal Kelly drove to work in a rent a car. A car that was not in the best of condition. A rent a car who's exhaust pipe made an explosion of smoke every time it stopped. This caught the eye of a police cruiser who pulled Kelly over. After half an hour of arguing Kelly was forced to head over to a garage. This was why Kelly didn't make it into work until 12:30 in the afternoon. His arrival was announced with a huge boom!

"Cool car Principal Kelly!" Todd chirped. "Man I wish I had a car like that!"

"What happened to my life?" Kelly moaned as he opened the door to the car and it fell off. 

Kelly walked to his office. "Dorothy remind me never to rent a car from the Wrecks R' Us place again," He told her. "No matter how cheap." He walked into his office.

And came face to face with his missing garden gnome. It was sitting at his desk wearing fake glasses and a tie. "Wonderful," He grumbled. "So what happened this morning? Anyone else quit?"

"No," Dorothy nodded. "But there was another fight in the halls just a half an hour ago." 

"Oh no the Brotherhood and the Institute nuts are at it again!" Kelly groaned.

"No this time neither one of them was involved," Dorothy told him. "For once."

"You're kidding?" Kelly looked at her. "An altercation happened without any members of those two insane groups being involved? This day is looking up. What happened?"

"I think you'd better hear it for yourself," Dorothy sighed. "I'll send them in." 

Two cheerleaders walked in. "Faith Mitchell and Tiffany Bayers?" Kelly looked at them. "I'd never thought I'd see either of you for fighting so what happened?" Both girls started chattering at once. "One at a time! Faith, you first."

"Well," Faith pouted. "I found out that **she** stole my routine for the cheerleading competition!"

"I did not!" Tiffany pouted. "You stole **my **routine!"

"Did not!" Faith snapped.

"Did too!" Tiffany snapped back. 

"Girls please," Kelly said. "I mean that's a pretty silly thing to be fighting over."

"Silly?" Faith glared at him. 

"It shows what you know!" Tiffany growled. "The winner of that so called silly competition gets a two thousand dollar scholarship!"

"Why bother? With the grades you get you'll be lucky to graduate high school," Faith snickered. 

"Oh this from the girl who thinks the Marshall Plan was a diet fad," Tiffany snapped.

"I'm not the one who asked my teacher in front of everyone who won the Civil War!" Faith snapped. 

"At least I wasn't voted 'Most Likely to Graduate High School in Seven Years!'"

"Well it beats being voted 'Mattress Queen!'" 

"You take that back!"

"Make me sister!" 

"Bring it on!" 

"Oh it's been brought on!" 

Soon the two cheerleaders were slapping each other silly. Kelly tried to stop them but ended up getting accidentally socked in the jaw. He collapsed on the floor.

"Oops," Faith gulped.

"See what you did!" Tiffany snapped as they stood over Kelly. "It's all your fault!" 

"My fault?! Why you little…" And the slap fight continued, with both combatants ignoring Kelly completely. 

Kelly regained consciousness about an hour later. "Oh my head," He muttered to himself. He looked around and found himself in the nurse's office. "What happened?"

"You got hit," Mrs. Dooney, the school nurse told him in a voice that was way too chipper. "Here, have a popsicle!" she handed him one. "It's grape flavored!" 

"I'd rather have an aspirin," He grumbled setting it aside. 

"I don't know if I'm allowed to hand those out," Mrs. Dooney frowned. "I have some saltine crackers if you'd like."

"I'm not a student Mrs. Dooney," Kelly grumbled. 

"Oh that's right. My mistake. Would you like these purple pills or the red pills?" She handed him some. "I forget what they're called. The purple pills make you happy. I take them all the time!"

"Really," Kelly looked at her. "I would never have guessed. And what do the red pills do?"

"I don't know," She said. "Let's try them shall we? Bottoms up!" She downed them in one gulp. "Need something to wash them down with. I still have some gin left. Want some?"

"Uh no thanks. I'm feeling much better now," Kelly got up. "Oh look at the time. Gotta go!" He got out of there in a hurry. 

"Lovely lady," Kelly grumbled to himself as he left. "Really seems to care. About what I have no idea!" He hadn't gotten far down the halls when he heard a familiar voice. 

"Zippy?" He heard Todd's voice. "Here Zippy!" 

"Tolensky," Kelly groaned. "What are you doing out of class this time?"

"I'm looking for someone," Todd said matter of factly.

"Okay who are you looking for?" Kelly asked, even though he dreaded the answer.

"Zippy. He's a new student. I was showing him around but I can't find him," Todd said. "He's wearing a tuxedo. Real easy to spot. Have you seen him?"

"No," Kelly's headache was getting worse. "No I haven't. Tolensky just get to class, I'll see you and your lunatic friends in detention later." 

Kelly walked away. "I am better off not knowing," He said to himself. "I am better off not knowing. Now what?" He heard two more students talking in the hallway.

"Why does that thing after me?" Kurt grumbled as he as Scott rounded the corner. 

"Who knows? I can't believe those lunatics stole that…" Scott turned around and stopped talking. "Hi Principal Kelly." 

"Stole what Mr. Summers?" Kelly growled folding his arms.

"Nothing," Scott gulped. 

"Really?" Kelly raised an eyebrow. "Do you have anything to say Mr. Wagner?"

"No," Kurt gulped, shaking his head. 

"Just get to class!" Kelly snapped. He made sure they left. "That's it! They are up to something! I'll talk to them in detention later! But first I have to find some aspirin."

A few hours later Kelly had recovered. He went to the detention hall. He was halfway there when he heard the shouting. He ran into the room and found the biggest mess he had ever seen in a classroom. 

"WHAT HAPPENED HERE?" Kelly yelped. The kids were at their desks, some of them with guilty looks on their faces, particularly Jean, Scott and the other Institute kids. The Brotherhood was sitting there as if nothing had happened. Silly string was everywhere. But even more incredibly, half the room was covered in ice. 

"They started a silly string war!" Todd pointed to the Institute kids.

"We did not!" Kitty snapped. 

"Forget the silly string! What happened to the room?" Kelly nearly slid on the ice that was already starting to melt. "Where did all this ice come from?"

"What ice?" Bobby said blankly.

"The ice covering half the room!" Kelly snapped.

"I dunno," Lance shrugged. "It was like that when we got here."

"Yeah," Scott said nervously. "Maybe the pipes froze or something." 

"Yeah good answer!" Several students piped up instantly. 

"I think you should get an expert or something in here," Fred said. 

"Yeah those pipes have been acting crazy all year," Evan said. 

"You really expect me to believe that? Frozen pipes my eye! How did this happen?" He asked the teacher on detention duty.

The teacher had a glazed look in his eyes. "Every thing is fine. The pipes just froze. Nothing happened. Everything is fine. Everything is fine…" 

"Everything is not fine!" Kelly snapped. "Look at this place! It looks like Antarctica in here! All it needs is a penguin! What…?" 

At that moment a penguin did appear. It waddled out from behind the desk. "Wak?" It looked up at Kelly and then proceeded to nibble on his shoelaces. 

Kelly's jaw was wide open. He looked at the Institute and Brotherhood members in shock. He stumbled away muttering. "I don't wanna know. I don't wanna know." 


	6. Morning Annoucements

**Morning Announcements**

"This is Principal Kelly speaking. Here are the morning announcements for Wednesday. First of all Ms. Harmony's English classes will meet in room 105 today due to the problems with the pipes in the regular classroom." 

"Second, will whoever parked the zamboni in the teacher's parking lot please remove it immediately?" 

"The fashion club will meet after school today to discuss topics of importance. Members are reminded to bring their nail polish and boy band magazines." 

"Swimming lessons are canceled today due to the fact that the pool is filled with chocolate pudding. Again."

"Once again I must remind students that skateboarding is banned on school grounds. ESPECIALLY IN THE HALLS!" 

"Will members of the Magician's club please report to room 123 after announcements and pick up your props from yesterday's meeting? There are rabbits all over the place. And if you can un-levitate the desks that would be greatly appreciated." 

"The dance committee will be taking suggestions for the theme of the upcoming Homecoming dance in the cafeteria today. Please give some serious thought to this. Especially you jokers who wrote that the theme song should be 'Monster Mash'! That's not funny people!" 

"While I am on the topic of suggestions, I might remind all of you that the suggestion box in the main office is for improving the school. And I don't mean calling for my resignation or any other not so polite terms! I am severely tempted to remove it due the ridiculous comments people are making! For the last time my name is spelled K-E-L-L-Y! **NOT** K-E-L-Y! **OR** K-E-L-L-I **OR** C-E-L-L-I! If you are going to insult me at least get my name right!" 

"The debate club will meet today in room 200. Today's topic, which is a more accurate representation of the future: Star Trek or Furturama?" 

"Attention students and faculty, there will be a school assembly this Friday during first period. You will report to your morning classes then be dismissed via the intercom. Also pictures for the slideshow presentation are due this Thursday. See Mr. West for details."

"From the yearbook committee: the remaining balances on your yearbooks are overdue. Pay up you deadbeats! Payment must be when the yearbooks come in. Whenever that is. They may be lost in the mail." 

"Congratulations to the band for a fantastic performance at the music festival in Cactus Flats, Nevada this weekend. The Percussion Ensemble received and Honorable Mention as well as the Jazz Band and the Concert Band came back in one piece. The school received fifth place in the overall competition. Unfortunately the Color Guard is still missing. But we have recovered the lost instruments and most of them are in good condition. With the exception of the tubas. Please see Mrs. Gallo about replacements." 

"Whoever glued the sausage links to the second floor ceiling please report to the office at once!" 

"Also a note to the science department; no more stink bombs for any experiments!" 

"Will the members of the Fencing club please refrain from dueling in the halls."

"A representative from Hilari-U Clown College will be here in the guidance department this Thursday. Students that are interested please see your counselor. Based on some of your academic performances, some of you Seniors might seriously consider this for a possible career." 

"Just reminder to students that if you have a problem, my door is always open. Mainly because somebody stole it last night and I want it back!" 

"That concludes today's announcements. Have a good day. Because I'm not gonna have one that's for sure!" 


	7. Wednesday Wipe Out

**Wednesday Wipe Out**

"I am at peace with myself and the world around me," Kelly said to himself with his eyes closed. On his desk was a book titled **_Meditation for Dummies_**. "Everything is calm and serene. I am in control of my actions and my destiny. I did **not** see a penguin yesterday. It was an illusion caused by stress. I did **not **see a penguin yesterday. It is **impossible** that I saw a penguin yesterday. I did…" 

"Principal Kelly?" Dorothy walked in. "What are you doing?"

"I am meditating," He informed her. "My doctor told me that my stress levels were too high. So it was either this or alcohol. And I'm seriously trying to cut down." 

"Good for you," Dorothy said. "Um, you're wanted in room 103 again. They're having some kind of trouble with the pipes." 

"Not again," Kelly sighed and went out of his office to the room. He tried to open the door but it was locked. "What the…?" He banged on the door several times. "Open this door right now!" Finally he managed to open it.

And was promptly drenched by a small tidal wave. 

"Well why not?" Kelly spat. "I mean we already have earthquakes and tornadoes around here so why not tidal waves?" 

"Uh sorry about that…" The custodian swam up to him. "I kinda had some trouble with the pipes. They overflowed a little."

"No kidding!" Kelly spat out water. Soon the halls were flooded. "Oh great!" 

Todd swam by. "I can't continue any more!" He gasped. "I'm drowning! Drowning! I see my life flashing before my eyes! This is it! The big one! I'm going down! Down! Down! Down to the depths of a watery grave!" He sank underwater leaving bubbles in his wake. 

"TOLANSKY!" Kelly stood up. "The water only goes up to your knees!"

"I know that," Todd popped his head up. "I was just messin' with ya." 

"What is that smell?" Kelly groaned. 

"There must be some sewage or something," The custodian held his nose. 

"Or something," Todd gulped. "SHARK!" He swam away.

"Oh for crying out loud, Tolensky there are no…Yikes!" He shouted and jumped into the custodian's arms as he saw a small fin behind him.

Pietro popped up with a fake fin tied to his forehead. "Just when you thought it was safe to swim in the halls again," He snickered. 

"Maximoff!" Kelly snapped as he climbed down. "Never mind…I'm out of here!" 

"I am going to call my doctor," Kelly said as he walked into his office, leaving puddles all over the floor. He closed the door and sat at his desk. He opened a drawer and pulled out a bottle. "Calling Dr. Daniels," He said. "Dr. Jack Daniels…" 


	8. Shake, Rattle and Roll

****

Don't own the song by Bill Haley and his Comets. Another strange parody that came out of my head.

Shake, Rattle and Roll

Kelly was sitting at his desk trying to stay calm when another earthquake hits the building. Books and other objects were flying all over the place.

"Not again!" He screamed then sang. (The stress of the job was getting to him.)

__

Whenever I relax those darn earthquakes start again!

Whenever I relax those darn earthquakes start again!

I'd have never taken this job if I knew then!

It's always shake, rattle and roll!

It's just shake, rattle and roll!

It's just shake, rattle and roll!

Just shake, rattle and roll!

This dang school is out of control!

Monsters are running amok and the gym's been destroyed!

Monsters are running amok and the gym's been destroyed!

All this insanity is really starting to get me annoyed!

It's just shake, rattle and roll

It's just shake, rattle and roll

Just shake, rattle and roll!

Just shake, rattle and roll!

This crazy school is just out of control!

I never get a chance to collect my thoughts and think

I never get a chance to collect my thoughts and think

The only way I can cope with it is to drink!

I think something strange is going on, I know

I think something strange is going on, I know!

If I don't figure out what it is, my sanity is gonna go!

With all the shakin', rattlin', and rollin'!

I said shake, rattle and roll!

Shake, rattle and roll!

This crazy school is just way out of control!

Shake rattle and roll!

A piece of the ceiling fell loose and hit Kelly on the head.

"Ow…."


	9. A Message From Principal Kelly

Later that day a flyer was handed out to all the classrooms. It read:

The Career Center will re-open today after being closed for three weeks. It has been closed due to misuse of passes and equipment, the consumption of food and beverages, and the huge hole in the wall. Not to mention the mysterious fire. Guidelines for the Career Center are as follows:

It should be understood that the Center is not an alternative to directed studies nor is it a drop in center. That means students cannot just go there to see friends and socialize. It also means that teachers cannot use it as a place to send students that are annoying so they can have some peace and quiet.

Library passes are for the library only, not the Career Center. Again teachers you cannot get rid of students that are giving you a headache this way either. Only your counselor will issue passes to the Career Center and you will need to state a specific reason for requesting a pass. "I feel like getting out of class because it is boring" is not an acceptable reason.

Daily passes will **not** be issued to **any** student. I don't care how much trouble they cause. Only one pass per week, per student is the new rule. And teachers are not allowed to take bribes for them. Students must sign in the Career Center sheet in the Guidance Office, full name and ID Number. Leave your pass in Guidance. NO FALSE NAMES OR NUMBERS WILL BE TOLERATED! (Example: I.P. Freely, Al Coholic, Winston Churchill, or Rumani the Queen of the Zulus)

There is no food or drink allowed in the center! That means you cannot order in a pizza!

There are no animals allowed in the Career Center. **ESPECIALLY FROGS!**

There are to be no spitball fights, silly string wars, paper airplane raids, squirt gun fights, or any such like in the career center. No fireworks of any kind are allowed in the Career Center.

Please treat all equipment and materials with care. We are broke people and can't afford any more replacements. We can't even afford to change the light bulbs this month. So please try not to destroy anything.

Anyone who abuses these rules will lose the privilege of going to the Career Center for the entire year. No bribes will be taken unless they are over $100. In that case report to me with the cash and we will discuss the matter in my office.

Principal Kelly.


	10. New Parking Restrictions

****

New Parking Restrictions

"This is Principal Kelly with a notice about Parking Restrictions. Students are not allowed to park their vehicles in the faculty parking lot. Students are not allowed to park boats, RV's, tanks, tractors, or any other vehicle in the faculty parking lot.

"Students are not allowed to leave animals or livestock of any kind in the faculty parking lot. (Examples: Horses, Elephants, Giraffes, etc…)

Students are not allowed to sell parking spaces in the faculty parking lot.

Due to the unusually high number of incidents, no student is allowed anywhere **near** the faculty parking lot! EVER!

Drag racing in the parking lot is forbidden.

Students are not allowed to park on the lawn.

Students are not allowed to set off fireworks of any kind in the parking lot.

Students are not allowed to paint extra lines, extra arrows, pictures or murals of any kind in the parking lot.

Students are prohibited from bringing a jackhammer in order to dig up the parking lot. I don't know how that buried treasure rumor got started, but it's obviously a lie!

Students are prohibited from starting bonfires in the parking lot.

Music from car radios will be kept at a low level. Yesterday due to the high decibel levels several car windows were shattered including mine!

Please leave the parking lot in a safe and orderly manner. No cutting each other off or speeding. I do not want a repeat of yesterday's 18-car pile up! Luckily no one was injured.

Failure to do so will result in suspension of parking privileges. Unless you are willing to pay a fine of $500. If so come see me in my office. That is all."


	11. Attack of the Scones

**Attack of the Scones**

Principal Kelly was patrolling the hallways looking for any potential disasters when he found one. He heard a loud boom and his heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest. He raced to see the latest development to befall Bayville high and to his horror he found it came in the form of smoke. It was even more frightening to him because the room the smoke was coming out from was the Home Economics lab. 

"What's going on?" He yelped waving away the smoke. 

"Oh it's all right Mr. Kelly," Mrs. Sims, the resident Home Ec teacher was waving smoke away from an oven. "Just a minor hiccup!"

"Minor hiccup?" Kelly gasped as he opened more windows. "It looks like the place was about to burn down!"

"Well we were making scones and one of the students left them in the oven a little too long," Mrs. Sims explained.

"Three guesses who," One student snickered.

"Shut up!" Kitty pouted. "It was an accident!" 

"Why am I not shocked?" Kelly muttered to himself.

"Well I'm sure they taste pretty good," Kitty held up a scorched scone to him. "Wanna try one Principal Kelly?" 

"Uh actually Miss Pryde…" Kelly gulped.

"Of course he does dear!" Mrs. Sims said far too cheerfully. "Go ahead Kelly! You're always saying how we should encourage students."

"Yes I am," He gulped. Cautiously he took a bite. A shocked look came over his face. 

"Oh god I think I broke a tooth!" Kelly moaned. He dropped the scone, which proceeded to bounce down the hallway. 

"It's not supposed to do that is it?" Kitty asked.

"Um…no dear I don't think so," Mrs. Sims looked a bit pale. 

"How much you wanna bet that thing doesn't stop until it gets to the gym?" One student bet another. 

"Well Kitty maybe you had one minor setback in cooking," Mrs. Sims began.

"Oh my tooth," Kelly groaned. 

"But next week I'm sure you'll do better when we make muffins. And Principal Kelly will try one of those too. Won't you Principal Kelly?"

"Hey man!" One student shouted. "That thing just put a dent in someone's locker! And it's still bouncing!" 

Kelly's mouth hung open. "I gotta get some scotch," He muttered. "To uh…deal with this toothache!"


	12. Thursdays Are Such Fun Days

**Thursdays are Such Fun Days**

The next day Kelly got some visitors. "Superintendent Harris?" He looked at him. "What's this all about?"

"Kelly you reek of scotch! Listen up! Do you remember when you hired a certain Mr. Mulligan?" Harris spoke.

"Three months ago," Kelly nodded. "A fine teacher."

"I'm afraid he's not a teacher," A bearded man spoke. "I'm Doctor Blake. I run the Bayville Hospital for the Bewildered. Mr. Mulligan is one of my patients. I should say he was until four months ago when he escaped."

"Oh no," Kelly gulped. "Is he dangerous?"

"No but he thinks he's certain historical figures from time to time," Dr. Blake told him. 

"I never would have guessed," Kelly said. "Are you sure? He's such a nice man."

"A nice man who wears an Attila the Hun costume to work?" Harris snapped.

"Well I always thought he was dressing up as some kind of instructional aide," Kelly said. 

"Kelly didn't you think it strange when Mr. Mulligan started having his students dress up like Vikings and 'invade' other classrooms?" Superintendent Harris asked.

"Are you kidding?" Kelly looked at him. "This is Bayville High, capital of Strangeness! We had a teacher turn himself into a monster! Just this morning the football team's mascot was attacked by the chess team's mascot!" 

"The chess team has a mascot?" Harris blinked. "Never mind, the thing is Dr. Blake is here to take him back." 

"Does he have to?" Kelly asked. "We're running kind of low on teachers around here." 

Before Dr. Blake could say anything he noticed someone was hanging outside Kelly's window. "Who is that?" 

Kelly opened the window. "Tolensky!" He shouted at the amphibian like boy. "What are you doing out there?"

Todd looked around. "Nothing."

"Get in here!" Kelly dragged him in here. "Why aren't you in class?" 

"Would you believe I fell?" Todd looked at him.

"Anybody else no," Kelly groaned. "You definitely." 

"Who is this student?" Harris asked.

"This is Todd Tolensky," Kelly pointed. "Dr. Blake how about taking him instead?"

"Take me where?" Todd looked at the doctor. 

"Come on, what do you say?" Kelly asked. "He's much more interesting than Mr. Mulligan! Tell him Tolensky! Tell him about the time you let all the frogs loose in the hallways and had a party for them in my office!" 

Something told Todd that this would be a very good time to act dumb. "What frogs?"

"The frogs you had the other day!" Kelly shouted. "Remember you sent them to the library because you wanted them to get an education!" 

"I did?"

"YES!" Kelly shouted. "Tell them about Bubba!"

"Who's Bubba?" Todd blinked innocently. 

"THE FROG THAT TOLD ME I SHOULD HAVE A PIECE OF CAKE!" Kelly shouted grabbing Todd by the shoulders and shaking him. 

"Kelly stop that!" Harris and Dr. Blake pulled him away from Kelly.

"He traumatized me!" Todd yelped. "I wanna see a lawyer! I'll sue!"

"Oh good god no," Harris snapped. "Kelly may I have a word with you in private?" He pushed him out of the office, leaving Todd alone with Dr. Blake. 

"Are you all right young man?" Dr. Blake asked. 

"Oh yeah," Todd nodded. "Hey doc, between you and me I think Kelly needs a vacation. He's a little stressed." 

"He's not the only one," Dr. Blake said. "Phew! When's the last time you had a shower?"

"I have one every month," Todd told him. "You're a doctor huh? Wanna see my tongue?" Todd stuck his tongue out at him. Dr. Blake's eyes widened as it went three feet past him. He pulled it back in and smiled. 

"I did not see that," Dr. Blake told himself. He called the other two back in. "Kelly, Harris! Check out this boy's tongue!" Todd did, but only did it the 'normal' way like any other student. "I was right. I didn't see that."

"See what?" Kelly asked.

"Nothing," Dr. Blake shook his head. "I've been overworked lately. Yeah. That's it. Stress." 

"Tolensky go to class and try not to fall out of the window this time," Kelly groaned. Todd left. 

"Why don't you take me to Mr. Mulligan," Dr. Blake asked. So the three men wandered down the hallway. 

"I've heard there's a lot of unusual activity at this school," Dr. Blake blanched when he saw several teachers drinking in the teacher's lounge. 

"That's one way of putting it," Kelly sighed as he looked up and noticed that someone had glued a toilet seat to the ceiling. 

Suddenly a student dressed up as a hawk ran through the halls. A student dressed as a chess piece was chasing him. "COME BACK HERE YOU GIANT CHICKEN!" The chess piece screamed. 

A teacher ran after them. "Don't worry I've got the situation in hand!" She shouted. "Boys! Stop it! Can't we all just get along?" They ran down the hall and out of sight. 

"No wonder Mr. Mulligan was able to get away with posing as a teacher for so long," Dr. Blake groaned. "He's the only sane one in this nuthouse!" Just then the ground shook. "What was that?" 

"Oh just an earthquake," Kelly sighed. 

"Earthquake?" Blake gulped. 

"Yes we seem to get them at least twice a week," Kelly said. "Here we are, room 122." He opened the door. "Oh my…" 

The entire class was sitting in a boat in the middle of the classroom. Mr. Mulligan was wearing a blue cape, a white wig and a tri-cornered hat. "Stroke!" He shouted to the students who where 'paddling' the boat. "Stroke! We have to Cross the Delaware if we are to invade!" 

"You got it General Washington!" One of the students saluted. 

"Need any further proof?" Dr. Blake asked. 

Mr. Mulligan looked up and frowned when he saw them. "Um, take care troops, I have to confer with my generals over here." He walked over to them. "Dr. Blake…"

"Mr. Mulligan," Dr. Blake looked at him. "We've been busy haven't we?"

"Uh I can explain," Mr. Mulligan gulped. "It's really kind of funny."

"Yeah so funny we're all gonna get sued when this gets out," Harris moaned. 

One of the students came up to them. Dr. Blake could have sworn that the student looked…blurry? "Uh, Mr. Mulligan," Kurt gulped. "I uh, need to use the bathroom!" 

"Oh go ahead Kurt," Mr. Mulligan waved. The boy left for the bathroom down the hallway. "Now is there a problem gentlemen?"

"On no," Harris said. "Other than the fact that a person has been teaching at this school without proper certification. And that this said person is an escapee from a mental institution. Nothing wrong. Just peachy keen!" 

As Harris was haranguing Mulligan, Dr. Blake happened to look outside the window. To his shock he saw Todd crawling along the side of a building. "WHAT THE HECK!" He shouted. Just before the others looked at what he was shouting at, Todd hopped out of sight.

"What is it Dr. Blake?" Kelly asked.

"That boy!" Dr. Blake ran to the window. "I saw a student crawling along the side of the building!"

"Dr. Blake, we had this conversation once," Mr. Mulligan said. "You told me that people flying and crawling on the ceiling did not exist anywhere but the comics and movies."

"I know that but I know what I saw!" The doctor shouted. "It was that weird looking kid that fell out the window!" 

"What you're saying Tolensky has some kind of super powers?" Kelly looked at him. 

"And you think I'm nuts?" Mulligan told him. 

"The only power that kid has is the power to annoy," Harris grumbled. "And to knock people unconscious with his body odor." 

"Doctor obviously you were seeing things," Kelly said.

"DON'T PATRONIZE ME!" Dr. Blake shouted. "I KNOW WHAT I SAW!" He grabbed a walkie-talkie. "Stephen, Robert! Be on the look out for a kid climbing the walls!"

"What somebody's on drugs there?" A voice cracked into the walkie-talkie.

"NO YOU IDIOT! Someone is actually climbing the walls of the school!" Dr. Blake shouted. 

A pause. Then the voice said. "We'll be right over." 

"Maybe you should come outside in the hallway," Kelly said, gently guiding Dr. Blake outside. 

"What a wacko," One student snickered.

"I heard that!" Dr. Blake glared at the kid. Kelly took him outside. "What kind of place is this Kelly?" He asked when he, Mulligan, Kelly and Harris were outside. 

"There is nothing abnormal about this school Dr. Blake," Harris began. Then they all heard a strange boinging sound. "What's that noise?" 

Something small and black was bouncing down the hallway. It bounced past them. "Is that…a muffin?" Dr. Blake looked as the bouncing object disappeared down the hall. 

"Actually it's a scone," Kelly gulped. "They're doing muffins in Home Ec next week." 

"OW!" Someone shouted. They looked and saw two men in white coats coming down the hallway. "What the heck hit me in the leg?"

"It was a scone," Dr. Blake said testily.

"Doc have you been sampling your pills again?" One of the orderlies from the hospital looked at him. 

"No I haven't!" Dr. Blake glared at him. "I need you men to take this man back to the asylum!"

"I am not crazy," Mr. Mulligan snipped. "I was dressing like this to teach my students about history. I'm a teacher."

"Well being crazy is a requirement for the job," Kelly muttered. 

"This better not be another false alarm," One of the orderlies grumbled. "We can't afford another lawsuit."

"Lawsuit?" Mr. Mulligan perked up. "Anybody know a lawyer?" 

"Excuse me please I just need to use the bathroom," Dr. Blake mopped his forehead and went into the bathroom. Ten seconds later….

"MONSTERS!" Dr. Blake screamed as he ran out. "I saw a blue demon! I swear! In the bathroom!" 

"It's not there now," One of the orderlies looked in.

"Well of course not," Dr. Blake snapped. "It disappeared in a puff of smoke! Hey! What are you doing? Let go of me!" The orderlies grabbed him by the arms and marched him off. "HE'S THE NUTCASE! NOT ME!" 

"Sorry to bother you sir," One of them said to Mr. Mulligan. "He's been on edge lately."

"I told you he'd snap one day," The other one said. "You owe me five bucks." They dragged him away. Kelly and Harris looked at each other, then at Mr. Mulligan. 

"Mulligan I'll make a deal," Harris looked at him. "We won't tell anyone about this if you won't!"

"Okay," Mr. Mulligan smiled. "Well if you'll excuse me, I have to finish crossing the Delaware and invade!" He saluted and marched off to his classroom. 

"Kelly," Harris asked. "Do you have any more of that scotch in your office?" 


	13. Friday Freak Out

**Warning: The following chapter is totally insane. It was written while the author was drinking several large Coffee Coolatas! If you are looking for something meaningful and full of angst, you are in the wrong place! If you are looking for something very silly and very pointless and want to see adult figures go nuts, well read on. **

**Friday Freak Out**

"Superintendent Harris this is not my fault!" Principal Kelly shouted.

"Of course it's your fault you hired her!" Harris shouted.

"The voices tell me the people need a champion!" Mrs. Jupiter stood on top of a table in the cafeteria while dozens of bewildered students watched. She was dressed in a black hat, mask and cape as well as her regular dress. "I AM EL KABONG!" She shouted as she waved a wooden guitar wildly. 

"Hey she was normal when I hired her!" Kelly snapped. 

"Toad I told you not to put those spiders in her purse!" Fred whispered to him in the back.

"I was saving them for a snack!" Todd hissed back. "Besides I'm not the one who put a firecracker in her desk!" He glared at Tabitha. 

"Hey she gave me a detention!" Tabitha snapped. "What was I supposed to do? Forget about it? Okay maybe I went to far when I also dropped one of my energy bombs when she was in the toilet…" 

"Maybe I shouldn't have super-glued her butt to the chair yesterday," Pietro said. 

"EL KABONG WILL FIGHT EVIL!" Mrs. Jupiter shouted jumping from table to table.

"Shouldn't that be Ella Kabong or something?" Tabitha asked. "I wish I paid better attention in Spanish." 

"Only seven and a half hours to go," Kelly rubbed his temple. "Then this week will be over!"

"That's not all that's gonna be over if you don't catch her!" Harris snapped. He stormed up to her. "Mrs. Jupiter you…" 

KA-BONG! She thwacked Harris on the head with the guitar. 

"I think we all saw that one coming," Kelly groaned as the other teachers tried to restrain her. "Well at least I won the betting pool. Anybody wanna help me take Superintendent Harris to the Nurse?" 

The next thing Harris knew, someone was shoving some scotch between his lips. "What the…?" He sat up sputtering. 

"Oh you're awake!" Mrs. Dooney, the school nurse smiled. "Good you won't need this any more!" She took a swig of the scotch. 

"Oh my head," Harris groaned. "Got anything to stop the ringing in my ears?" 

"Here," The school nurse handed him some pills. "Have some." 

"Thanks," Harris swallowed the pills. "I needed some aspirin."

"Aspirin?" The nurse looked at him. "This is the nurse's office, I don't carry aspirin." 

"Well what did you give me?" Harris asked. 

"I dunno," She shrugged. "But whatever it was it's gotta work, right?" 

"Oh no…" Harris gulped as the world around him began to swirl in many different colors. 

Not long after the students filed into the auditorium for the assembly. "Man what a day," Pietro chuckled. "A teacher goes nuts and an assembly! It doesn't get any better than this!" 

"What is this stupid assembly for anyway?" Lance groaned. 

"Some kind of awards/Senior thing," Todd shrugged. "Hey it gets us out of class and lets me get some shut eye."

"Oh don't go to sleep," Pietro smirked. "The entertainment is about to start!" 

"What did you do?" Lance looked at him.

"Let's keep it a surprise shall we?" Pietro snickered. 

"Good Morning students!" Kelly spoke into the microphone. "Before we begin the awards ceremony I'd like to take a moment to express my congratulations to all you Seniors for your hard work. We've put together a little slideshow presentation to reflect on the past year." He motioned for the lights to go down and the slideshow started. "Please let something go right today!" He prayed softly. 

The slideshow started off well. Pictures of Bayville High and its students set to rock music. Students in the halls that were going to class. Students skateboarding in the halls. Students having food fights. Students asleep in class. Half the school's football team in dresses…

"WHAT!" Duncan shouted when he saw himself wearing something in pink chiffon. "HOW DID THAT GET IN THERE?" 

"So that's what happened when we passed out the other day," One football player groaned. 

More pictures followed. More food fights and students acting silly. Pictures of students and teachers partying in the hallways. Then there was a particularly interesting shot of the inside of the girl's locker room. 

"WHOEVER DID THAT IS DEAD!" Taryn shouted. "YOU HEAR ME! DEAD!" 

"I told you she stuffed her bra," Tabitha snickered. 

"Jean…are those my boxer shorts you're wearing?" Scott gulped. 

"Uh…no," Jean turned red. 

"Oh man Kurt and Ray are missing the show of a lifetime!" Bobby drooled. He was hit in the head by several objects that were thrown at him. "What did I say?" Several more objects were thrown at him. 

Meanwhile Kurt once again was having trouble with his image inducer. "This thing goes on the fritz way too often!" He grumbled to Ray. They were in the Boy's bathroom trying to fix it. 

"Well maybe if you didn't play with it so much," Ray groaned. "Here, try a little juice." He gave a brief spark. However, it didn't just hit Kurt's holowatch. 

"YEOW!" Kurt yelped. "What are you trying to do? Fry me?" 

_"Oh what a beautiful morning," _Harris walked into the bathroom singing with a goofy grin. _"Oh what a beautiful day! I've got a beautiful feeling! Everything's going my way! _Oh good morning students! What are you doing here on such a nice day? You should be in class. Forget that. Skip school! It's too nice a day to be inside!" 

"Uh are you feeling okay sir?" Kurt asked.

"I feel great!" Harris said. "Wanna see me do some push ups?" He dropped to the floor and did several. 

"What's wrong with him?" Kurt whispered to Ray.

"Dude he's high as a kite," Ray whispered back. "So much for all those 'Just Say No' lectures." 

"High?" Kurt looked at him. "You mean he's on drugs?" 

"Okay now let's see how fast I can jump rope!" Harris got up a little too quickly and stumbled toward them. "Oops! Who put that floor there? What was I gonna do? Oh yeah! Hopscotch!" He began to hop around on one foot. 

"Yup," Ray waved his hand in front of his face. "He's gone all right. And that's not all he's on! Whew! How much does this guy drink?" 

Before Kurt could say something else, his image inducer shorted out. Harris looked at him and started laughing. "Ohhh! A demon!" He giggled. "I am soooooo scared! Well Mr. Demon…Boo! Nyah Nyah!" He stuck his tongue out at him and made faces. "You don't fool me one bit! You're not a demon at all! You're Merlin the Happy Pig! Ha Ha!" Harris kept laughing as he went outside. 

"Okay that was too weird," Kurt gulped. 

"Well at least no one will believe him," Ray said. "I mean he's totally out of it. But just in case I think you'd better head back home. And I'll go see the school nurse…"

"Are you nuts? Have you met our school nurse?" Kurt told him. "Trust me, we're better off on our own! You'd better tell Principal Kelly." 

"Good idea," Ray nodded. "He should be in the auditorium by now. I'll go tell him what's going on and you go home! Hurry before anybody misses you!" 

As it turned out no one was missing him. They were too busy staring at all the pictures from the locker rooms. Tabitha had taken a few pics from the boy's locker room as well. "I didn't know Duncan had a tattoo there," She smiled. 

"I didn't want to know that!" Todd snapped. "Way too much information!" 

"Okay that is enough!" Kelly waved frantically trying to get the person running the slideshow to stop. "I mean this is so juvenile! I am appalled. I am shocked! I am…HOW THE HELL DID THAT GET UP THERE?" He screamed as he saw himself kissing his secretary on the screen. 

"Hey is Kelly married?" Fred asked.

"If he is, he won't be for long," Todd told him. 

"TURN THAT OFF!" Kelly shouted, tacking the slideshow. The entire auditorium was hooting and hollering. "My career is going to be ruined. This day can't get any worse!" 

"BE FREE! BE FREE!" Harris screamed as he ran across the stage. He was wearing butterfly wings strapped to his back. "FREE ALL THE FURRY DEMONS! THEY'RE PEOPLE TOO! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!" 

Kelly's jaw fell open as he watched Harris dance across the stage. "Stupid response," He muttered. "This is Bayville. Of course things can get worse around here!" 

"Principal Kelly!" Ray came into the auditorium. "Superintendent Harris is acting really weird! And…" He looked at the stage. Harris had removed his shirt and jacket and was now trying to do some type of interpretive ballet. Either that or he had a seizure and liked it. 

"Oh really," Kelly snapped at him. "I didn't notice!" 

"I don't know what he's on," One of the teachers remarked. "But I hope that there's more left." 

"You'd better call the hospital or something," Mrs. Hawkins blinked. 

"Don't worry," Kelly sighed. "I have it on speed dial. This is the second Superintendent that's gone insane this month!" 

"EL KABONG LIVES! AAAAHHAHHAHAHA!" Mrs. Jupiter swung in on a rope towards the stage. Three orderlies burst into the auditorium and started to try and catch her. 

"Sorry about this sir," One of them said. "She got away from us."

"Well you can take Superintendent Harris as well," Kelly groaned. 

"This is the coolest school I was ever in!" Fred laughed. "Hey look at that! Now Harris and Jupiter are having some kind of kickboxing match! I'd never thought I'd say this but I love school! It's about time they made it more interesting!" 

"Five bucks says that she'll take out an orderly with that guitar of hers," Todd said.

"You're on!" Lance shouted. 

"This is not my life!" Kelly groaned. "This is not my life! This **can't be **my life!" 

"Hey Kelly," Another orderly came up to him. "Did you know your school's nurse is passed out drunk on the front lawn?"

"Oh god!" Kelly moaned. "If this keeps up **I'll** end up in the nuthouse as well as half the staff! Maybe I should just reserve a room right now to avoid the rush." 

**Disclaimer: The author in no way condones driving teachers insane or putting up revealing slideshows. The author does not imply that all teachers, school nurses or anyone else in the educational system are drug addicted alcoholic lunatics, so don't sue me! (Of course in my experience some of them may be better off if they were…) This is fantasy people, see? So you can't blame me if your school's principal goes insane! Ha Ha! **


	14. One More Time

****

I don't own any Evolution characters or Brittany Spears songs. Sorry. This is also to let you know that since I'm finishing this story around the end of 'Day of Reckoning' Wanda won't be in school to torture Kelly. In fact none of the Brotherhood seemed to be in school when the last few episode occurred. However she will be in my upcoming 200th Evo Fic so be patient.

One More Time

Kelly was in his office trying to recover from the latest disaster at Bayville High. He was having some coffee with his scotch. And singing.

__

It's crazy, crazy…

How as I supposed to know

That something wasn't right here?

It's crazy, crazy…

I should have known something was wrong

When they offered to pay me double to work here!

Somebody is playing games with me

But I don't know who or why!

This insane job is killing me

I must confess I do believe

If I don't find out what's going on I'll lose my mind!

Give me a sign!

My sanity's running out of time!

****

(It turns out Kelly should have had a bit more coffee, he starts dancing around.)

__

It's crazy, crazy…

I'm getting so depressed

It's not worth the drive here!

It's just plain crazy!

My life's nothing but stressed!

I'm amazed I'm still alive!

Someone show me what I'm supposed to do here

When demons and earthquakes happen all the time!

This insane job is killing me

I must confess I do believe

No one else sees what's going on, they must be blind!

I'll lose my mind

If this happens one more time!

It's just crazy! How was I supposed to know?

I shouldn't stay here! I should just go!

I must confess, I still believe that I can do some good here!

Even though I've nearly lost my sanity!

And yet I still believe! I won't give up!

Give me a sign! That I can make it work this time!

This insane job is killing me

I must confess I do believe

No one else sees what's going on, they must be blind!

I'll lose my mind!

If this happens one more time!

He looked over and saw Dorothy and a few students staring at him. One Girl student said to Dorothy, "Okay I wasn't convinced before when you said that Brittany Spears had too much influence on how people dress and behave. But now I think you may have a point."


	15. Zero Tolerance, Zero Common Sense

**Zero Tolerance, Zero Common Sense**

"Principal Kelly this has to be some mistake!" Mrs. Hardy the PTA president said. "My son does not gamble!" 

"We were just playing around!" Her son Mark protested. 

"Flipping coins is not the kind of fun we tolerate around here young man," Kelly said sternly, secretly enjoying this. Mrs. Hardy had long been the bane of his existence here at Bayville. 

"I must confess I'm not too thrilled hearing about you flipping coins in class," Mrs. Hardy told her son. 

"We were just flipping coins in study hall for fun!" Mark told her. "I didn't have anything else to do! We weren't betting or anything. Just because George Farberson lost 400 bucks doing it last week doesn't mean everybody gambles!" 

"This is not a casino!" Kelly said. "This is a place of learning! You have to abide by the same rules as everyone else. There are no exceptions!" 

"You gotta be kidding me! Do you know how many kids play cards in class and never get caught?" Mark said.

"I thought card playing was against school rules?" Mrs. Hardy asked. 

"It is, but they do it anyway!" Mark said. 

"That's my point! Gambling is a widespread problem! Look an example has to be made here!" Kelly said. 

"I agree, but expulsion?" Mrs. Hardy questioned. "Don't you think that's a little extreme? Detention or even suspension I can understand but…" 

"Look Bayville High has a Zero Tolerance policy! We do not tolerate gambling on school property!" Kelly said. 

"What about those bingo games the Brotherhood put on in the basement?" Mark asked. "Half the teachers go to those games!" 

"Look the fact remains that you were caught gambling on school property!" Kelly said. "Gambling of any kind is forbidden on school grounds! No exceptions!"

Dorothy walked in. "Principal Kelly here are your lottery tickets for the week. Plus Mr. Hart wants to know if you want to get in the betting pool of who's going to end up the winner on 'Survivor'. Oh and your bookie called. He wants to know how much you want to put down on next week's races." 

"Not now," Kelly gulped. "That will be all." 

"Wanna bet?" Mrs. Hardy glared at him. 


	16. The Return of El Kabong

**Well faithful readers, it looks like its time for me to start winding this story down. **

_Kelly runs out_ Kelly: Really?

**Yes. I have a lot more torture planned for you in Parallel Lives! **

Kelly: Oh…goody. _Walks away. _

**The Return of El Kabong**

"I can't believe this!" Kelly groaned. "I spent over 300 dollars for a new suit. I leave it at the mall for alterations and what happens? The entire mall gets destroyed! AAGGGGH!" He started tearing his hair out. "300 bucks down the drain! Gone! Kaput! What is it with this town? If it isn't monsters or earthquakes it's things going wrong or getting destroyed! I'm starting to believe this place really is cursed!" He looked at his hands. "My hair! I'm losing my hair!" 

"That's not all you're losing," Dorothy grumbled to herself. There was a commotion out in the hallways. "What's that?" 

"Now what's going on?" Kelly ran out of his office. "Oh no…WHO LET HER OUT?" 

Mrs. Jupiter, dressed in her El Kabong attire was chasing a security guard. "I have returned!" She struck a triumphant pose.

"How did you get out?" Kelly gasped.

"They let me out for good behavior," She smiled. "I have returned to right wrongs and triumph over evil!"

"That's nice," Kelly smiled. He whispered to Dorothy. "Call the doctor…" 

"And this time I am not alone! Come my Kabongetteres!" Mrs. Jupiter shouted. 

Suddenly Todd, Fred and Tabitha came out dressed up with black capes, masks and hats. "Ta da!" They shouted. 

"Oh no…." Kelly groaned. "AAAHHH!" He screamed as Mrs. Jupiter swung her guitar at him. 

"GET HIM!" She cackled as she chased Kelly down the hallways. The three Brotherhood members were in full pursuit. 

"DOROTHY!" Kelly screamed. 

Dorothy stood there and shouted. "IF YOU GIVE ME A RAISE I'LL THINK ABOUT IT!" 

**Yes I know it's short but I really need to have a lot of Kelly torture reserved for Parallel Lives! **

_(Kelly runs out.)_

Kelly: NO! You don't have to listen to her! Kids if you really want to save me from any more torture just clap your hands and tell her. **(Waits a minute.) **Okay you can clap now. **(He's getting impatient now and a little ticked off.)** CLAP YOU STUPID LITTLE…

**(Todd swings in on a rope and whomps him over the head with a guitar. Kelly falls down.) **

Todd: KA-BONG! 


	17. They're Going to Take Them Away (Ha Ha!)

****

Napoleon XIV owns the lyrics to the original. Not me. Let's go out with a song shall we?

They're Going to Take Them Away…Ha! Ha!

Kelly was staring at the television watching the mutants on TV. He makes faces. He gasps. Then he starts to laugh. "I knew it! I KNEW IT! I knew I wasn't crazy! All this time…all the insanity! It was the mutants all along! The mutants! They're to blame for everything! Yes, yes it's their fault all this happened! All the earthquakes and the monsters and the craziness! HA! HA!HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh…they're gonna pay! Oh yes! He! He!"

Kelly then started running through the halls, laughing and singing.

__

Remember when I first got here and I thought this would be a nice quiet job?

Yeah right!

Well I soon learned my lesson and then the days got worse and worse and I was slowly losing my mind!

But now…

They're going to take them away! Ha! Ha!

They're going to take them away! Ho Ho, He He, Ha Ha!

Now life will be beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those freaks all go cause they're going to take them away! Ha Ha!

I told people things were wrong around here but did anyone listen? No they didn't!

They laughed! They laughed! I heard them laugh at me! But now I've been proven right so who's laughing now you jerks! Huh?

So they're going to take them away! Ha Ha!

They're going to take them away! Ho Ho, He He! Ha Ha!

Far away from here! No more monsters and earthquakes or stupid frogs or shaving cream explosions all over the place and I'll be very happy to see them go far away Ha Ha!

I tried to be nice and be a good man and this is how I was rewarded for my kind unselfish work! Ha! Well the tables have turned, I'll get my revenge and when I do I make all those insane lunatic freaks pay! HA!

I'm going to put them away! Ha Ha!

I'm going to put them away! Ho Ho! He He! Ha Ha!

To some funny farm someplace and I'll be so happy to see them all go! So I'll feel safe in my own home cause they're finally going away! Ha Ha! No more monsters or explosions or stupid frogs or earthquakes shaking everything up because they'll all be gone and they're all going away! Ha Ha!

Two orderlies from the Bayville Home of the Bewildered walk by.** "**We got another one Stephen. Get the net! And an extra straightjacket!"


End file.
